Ask Dr Aunty Joan

Here's a letter we received from one of our readers:

Dear Aunty Joan,
I have been working on a wonderful new skill - propelling myself along the floor on my behind. I have been practising in private and can now get up quite a speed. The problem is, whenever I do this, people laugh at me and tell me to stop. Are they just jealous, or is this some sort of secret sign language?
Puzzled Monty, Strathfield.

Dear Puzzled Monty,
Propelling oneself on oneself's behind is, I must say, among the more unusual physical pursuits I have come across (and I like AFL). I imagine the sight you sliding across the carpet on your nether regions would raise a smile from onlookers, but don't let that get you down, it is a very unique and clever skill, and remember, you are probably the best in the world at it.
I believe the Commonwealth Games in 2006 will be held in Melbourne. What better time and place to unveil to the world this amazing activity? If not as an event then maybe as a part of the opening ceremony. (Could Nikki Webster could be taught the skill in time?).
Besides athletics and amusement, could it have physiological applications as an alternative to walking?
Anyway, I believe this is a totally normal activity and it is your friends that have the real problem (alternatively, you could have tapeworm). Good luck with it, I'm sure it will be an Olympic event in no time (albeit an unusual one, but then again, so is butterfly).
Watchout for the floorboards,
Love, Dr Aunty Joan

Dr Aunty Joan has a new book out but it's not very good, so I wouldn't bother if I was you.

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